happy new year everyone its 2018 and I'm technically shooting this video well it's 2017 because right now on January 1st when you're seeing this video I am in Montana frolicking around in the snow I think the new year naturally puts a lot of us into a reflective place and often times I talk about life experiences being whole experiences where you experience negative moments and positive moments and everything in between and in the spirit of being reflective I thought I would share low moments and best moments from 2017 so I'm gonna start off with the lows because we're gonna get the depressing stuff out of the way and then move on to the good stuff because I want to end this on a good note I was sharing my highs and lows with Eileen and she's like maybe you should end with your high these are in no particular order this is just how they came out of my brain slash memory when I was reflecting on my low moments one of the big things that stuck out was being stuck and there's not really a way for me to describe this other than feeling uninspired feeling blocked and I would say that this was happening in 2016 but it just transferred over into 2017 with everything that happened after the 2016 election I think that a lot of us found ourselves in positions where we just felt defeated I also think it has to do with just where I am personally in my life I am at 28 I'm about to be 29 soon in a month in one day and I think there's a reason why in astrology the Saturn return exists and the Saturn return is basically this time between 27 and 30 where you go through a pretty difficult point in your life in terms of just figuring out who you are you're basically learning a lot of things about yourself about other people about the life that you want to live and you have to learn these lessons in order to enter your 30s feeling just more solid about yourself I've had to do a lot of sitting with myself even in moments where it's really uncomfortable I've had to dig up things I don't necessarily want to be digging up and then digging them up again I really made an effort to put in the work that it takes to build solid relationships around me and to build the life that I want to continue living and that life is a meaningful life and so I've really had to examine what is meaningful to me I think it's so wonderful to learn all of these things about yourself but it can also be really exhausting and difficult at times I was definitely feeling stuck and I was feeling a block I just wasn't feeling inspired really creatively I would have moments where I would feel a little bit better but there was just kind of like this little gray cloud following me around and I would say in summer it started to go away and especially after the Eclipse happened in August there was just a huge shift for me I felt like I came out of the little space that I had been nesting in I feel like myself again but it's like this new version of myself a more evolved version and I'm sure that is something that will just keep happening but the time it took to get to this place was really hard and there were definitely moments where I was crying and just feeling really defeated and not wanting to get out of bed and not wanting to do anything really I kept going every single day I tried to do my best every day I really tried to give a lot in this last year because I think whenever I feel lost or just stuck the thing that always makes me feel better is giving and think about the things that I have been given in my life and I try to give those things back I try to put them back into the universe I think I've been given a lot of love and patience and grace over the course of my life and so I really tried to give those things over this last year and put that energy out into the universe and I think it's definitely paid off let me talk about this Delta flight that Eileen and I were on but if we went to Mexico over the summer so this is a funny story now but it was not funny in the moment okay so Delta and I don't have the best relationship I have only been on one Delta flight that went exactly the way that it was supposed to meaning it left on time arrived on time and there was nothing dramatic happening on the plane and no bags were lost we were going on vacation to Mexico weather started to get rough as we got closer to landing because we were flying through this mountain area and we thought we were still going to land we were so close to landing like we could see where we were about to land and I kept thinking like okay we're gonna hit the ground soon it's gonna be about 10 seconds until we're on the ground and then all of a sudden the plane that gets really loud and we just start shooting back up into the sky really fast like you could feel the force I'm just like oh my god what is going on my heart is racing I'm already somebody that doesn't love flying anyway so this is freaking me out nothing was said to us which now I understand because the pilot was having to fly the plane manually so I understand he couldn't make an announcement it was so turbulent going up and we were accelerating so quickly I could see lightning out of the window I was also sitting next to somebody who was not making it any better I don't want to say he was really excited about the chance that we could die but he definitely saw it as like a thrilling experience meanwhile my hands are like super sweaty I'm picturing in my mind saying goodbye to Eileen as we like plummet down to the ground and it's just not a good time my heart just felt like it was going to come out of my chest there have only been two times in my life where I genuinely thought that I was going to die and actually both times Eileen has been here the first time was on a horse that I was on that almost went down a cliff the second time on a Delta flight it was about 20 minutes until there was any kind of announcement and we ended up being on the ground at this other Airport for a couple hours they gave us water which was really good and they were definitely doing the best that they could given the circumstances so I was really grateful for that and I'm grateful that we landed safely and that the pilot was experienced enough to handle the situation in the way that he did because we all got to where we needed to go and we had a great time on that trip another moment that was hard for me in 2017 was leaving New York City I ended my lease on my apartment there and it was something that was really difficult for me because I Love New York and I really feel a deep connection with the city I love the energy there I love the people in New York it was such a huge moment for me personally to get a place in New York because it's something that I always wanted to do and I wanted to be able to do it on my own terms and I did that and I told myself I would give myself two years there and then reevaluate I knew that it just wasn't the time for me to be moving to New York full-time and I had this moment where I was alone walking near the water and it was nighttime and I was looking at the Manhattan skyline and I was so sad I've never been so sad to leave a place before I really tried to sink into the feelings of gratitude because you know I had this apartment through coming out and just I experienced so many great moments in that apartment it really made me feel independent and proud of myself for doing something that I had always wanted to do since I was a kid I kept thinking that I was going to have to say goodbye forever and then I had this moment of I don't have to say goodbye forever I know I want to come back here and live here full-time this is just goodbye for now it made everything so much better just sinking into the feeling of I will be here full-time one day it's just not right now when it comes to matters of the heart this year was definitely a year of me realizing that I was in a relationship that was not terrible or bad or anything like that at all but it wasn't right and what I've learned from that experience is sinking into that truth and being honest even when it's really hard has been the best path forward for both of us last but not least I couldn't talk about lows of 2017 without basically just acknowledging all the news that has happened there have been disasters shootings government officials getting fired political parties being at war with each other having anxiety over going to war with other countries and tension building around that new sexual harassment and assault stories breaking every week amongst many other things this year has been so intense and I think everybody has experienced that to some degree something that I've really had to learn this year is what my self-care looks like around taking in the and how to navigate these feelings that I've been having and I actually made a whole video about this which I will be posting later this month so I will save all of those details for that video but I did want to acknowledge that it has been tough let's bring up the mood and move on to the highs although this hasn't been as depressing as I thought it would be going over the lows one thing that I am really really happy about and I'm so proud of myself for this is staying consistent with working out and also trying new workouts while I may not love at the moment of working out all the time I love the feeling after and I love how my body feels I feel a lot more centered and grounded and it just feels good knowing that I'm taking care of myself and my body which is the vessel that is carrying me through this life that i'm living my meet up in houston texas oh my god okay so I had never been to Texas before it was my first time really spending time in the state and I loved the meetup that I had at Ulta everyone that showed up was just so kind and lovely and sweet and I always loved my meetups but there was just some really special energy around that Houston meetup I loved meeting every single person there and I just wanted to say a big thank you to Houston for just being so wonderful I remember only being there for a short amount of time but leaving and feeling like this is one of the best meetups that I have ever had and I just felt so filled up from all of you so thank you another high for me this year was going to France not once but twice both times with two of my best friends and it was amazing we spent a little bit of time in can then we got a car and drove to Provence and just spent time in the countryside we rode bikes we had adventures together we got into debacles together we had some airport drama together but all of it was just such a good experience I feel like we really bonded on that trip and it was so awesome to have quality time with Carrie like that then in the fall I got to go to Paris with Aileen and this was kind of like our make up trip for our bags getting lost in 2016 when we went to Paris together so we were like okay we're resetting our energy here we're gonna make up for all of that drama that happened on the last trip it ended up being such a fun trip and we got some amazing recommendations from you guys on Twitter we also really loved all of the conversations that were happening on Twitter you guys were exceptionally funny during that period of time while we were in Paris so it was just really fun last but not least I could not talk about my highs of 2017 without mentioning my precious little fluff baby tato I got tato around Valentine's Day in 2017 and he has just been the best gift in my life I feel like he's really taught me things that I thought I already knew but he's made me sink into these things in a different way on a deeper level and if you are somebody who has had a dog where you have a dog and you were really close to your dog then you probably know what I'm talking about I think they really teach you patience in a different kind of way they teach you responsibility definitely I think he also opens up a very specific kind of playfulness inside of me which I love because he's just so sweet is the best feeling to come home and see his little face waiting for me so those are my highs and lows of 2017 and I would really love it if you guys shared your highs and low of this last year I think it's a really great way to reflect on the year behind us and also to start thinking about the year ahead of us I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Day I am sending you so much love thank you so much for watching I will see you guys very soon you